#39 - Death Taught Me I Wanted to Live
EPISODE #39
This week’s anonymous caller shares a life shaped by early encounters with death — growing up in South Africa surrounded by violence, then rebuilding in New Zealand while carrying the weight of loss, fear, and a strict religious upbringing that defined identity as sin. Their stories move through grooming, a fractured marriage, and the moments where death felt more like an escape than a mystery. When they finally describe what they believe happens when we die, it’s not a single answer but something built from every place they’ve been.
From there, the conversation widens into the space between belief and unbelief. They talk about leaving religion without losing the need for meaning, finding comfort in agnosticism, and being drawn to dreams, consciousness, and the possibility of a shared inner world. Beneath their calm and thoughtful voice, you can hear how much their worldview was shaped through survival — and how each experience, painful or hopeful, added another thread.
One of the most striking moments comes from a recent surgery, where they stopped breathing under anesthesia and slipped into a dark stillness they recognized from dreams. It didn’t give them certainty, but it did give them clarity: write the will, protect your empathy, set boundaries, and treat life like something you’re choosing, not something you’re enduring.
This conversation is expansive, layered, and deeply human — tracing the long arc between wanting to leave life and learning how to stay.
Book Recommendation: Discworld: The Death Series by Terry Pratchett
If you’d like to watch this conversation instead of just listening, you can find the video version on YouTube.
Listen to the full episode here or wherever you get your podcasts.