#43 — Is Being Forgotten Worse Than Dying?
This caller has spent a long time thinking about what it means to be remembered. They call themself a radical death advocate, not because they think dying is good, but because they see it as part of the life cycle, something we make worse for ourselves by refusing to accept it. They're agnostic about what comes after, and they've made peace with not knowing. What they haven't fully made peace with is the second death, the moment someone's name stops being spoken by anyone at all.
That idea runs through the whole conversation. The caller keeps an ofrenda in their home for a close friend they lost suddenly last year, and they talk about what it means for that friend to become part of the conversation every time someone new walks into the space. They talk about Day of the Dead, about growing up between two countries, and about a choice they keep coming back to: focusing on the decades someone lived instead of the last week of their life.
There's a candor to how they talk about regret too, the idea that no matter which direction you live in, toward caution or toward excess, you'll end up regretting something. The only real choice is which version of yourself you can live with looking back.
By the end, the conversation turns lighter. The caller talks about wanting to see more of the world, starting with a part of it they know almost nothing about, and about what it might mean to finally get there.
Book recommendation: Unwind by Neal Shusterman
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